Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. It is a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. Herman Melville wrote it.
Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggle of a man against a whale.
Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now being preserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preserved as a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.
Better: Of the thousands of buildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclear explosion, is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.
Choppy: I have always had a dream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. I would become very wealthy.
Better: I have always dreamed of being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.
Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. It is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.
Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.
