例文剖析
假如你是某中学的一名学生。6月3日，是星期五，在放学回家的公交车上，你所经历的一件事情让你印象深刻。请根据以下要点用英语写一篇日记。要点：1.一位老爷爷和十来岁的孙子上了车，老人拿着书包和小提琴;2. 你给老人让座，老人的孙子却坐了下来，老人只得站在旁边;3. 孩子大声喊着向老人要水喝，并将空水瓶扔到车上;4.你认为孩子应该尊敬、照顾老人，保持环境卫生。参考词汇：孙子grandson 空水瓶 empty bottle 保持……干净keep…clean 要求： 1. 词数：80–100个。2. 日记开头已给出，不计入总词数。3. 要点齐全，行文连贯，可适当发挥。
June 3,Friday Fine On my way home on the bus, I saw ______________________
范文
June 3,Friday Fine On my way home on the bus, I saw an old man and his grandson. His grandson made me really unhappy today。
The old man got on with his grandson of about ten. The old man was too old to walk well enough by himself. However, he was carrying the boy’s schoolbag and a violin. At the moment, I felt shame to sit on my seat. Immediately, I gave my seat to the old man. To my surprise, the boy sat down first, while the old man had to stand nearby. What worse, the boy shouted to his grandpa for water and then dropped the empty bottle on the bus. I got very angry with the naught boy. I think the boy should not only respect and take care of the old man but also keep the environment clean。
剖析
这篇是2011年的英语中考原题。范文共分为三段十一句话，第一段必须要把题目所给的不完整的句子补全。按照“十句话作文”的原则，在第一段中要适当表明作者的观点，范文中使用了一个make sb. unhappy的结构透露了作者对将要叙述事件的态度。记叙文的第二段也要注意叙述的顺序，可以是时间线索也可以是空间线索。一般写景的文章我们多用空间线索，写人写事的文章多用时间线索。本文中使用了几个词和词组就把整个事件有机地串联起来了，比如“However…, At the moment…, Immediately…, To my surprise…, What worse”。这些词的作用非常类似中文作文中的“起，承，转，合”，它们使文章各个信息点紧密地连接成为一篇完整的文章。同时，记叙文不代表不可以议论。最后一段里，作者呼应并且递进了第一段表达的观点，这也类似中文作文中的结尾升华。
