评What is Your Favorite Star?
Flying Dream “英语角”第四期What is Your Favorite Star?如火如荼得在博友们中间展开了,孩子们都擦拳磨掌,跃跃欲试,看到这么多的孩子喜欢英语,我也禁不住想参与进来。
应Flying Dream圈主宝贝小菲的信任,为亚军得主小菲的文章作点评。于是走进了Flying Dream,看到了那么多优秀的博文,也想多点评几篇,和Flying Dream的朋友们一起分享英语带给我们的快乐。
闲话少说,一起欣赏英语美文。
1.小菲的这篇英语作文取材来自于身边人,大家熟悉的小婧子,校讯通里的star。文字很有亲和力,读来感觉这star就在眼前,有很强的说服力。给大家一个抛砖引玉的作用,原来这个话题还可以这么写,不必要写离我们生活很遥远的“明星”。
2.开头埋下伏笔,从star的外貌、性格、喜好,一步步让读者猜到这个star是谁。当读完了文章,猜对了star,读懂了英文,心里那是一个高兴呀。
3.文章中主要使用了一般现在时,因为介绍人物时,使用一般现在时,最恰当。小菲的第三人称单数使用的非常准确,真正的一篇英语佳作。
My Favorite Star
宝贝小菲
In our life, there are so many stars. Maybe you love Zhou Jielun, but I don't. Maybe you love Yang Mi, but I don't. Who is my favorite star? Guess!
She is a thirteen-year-old girl. Her hair is long and black, her eyes are big and black. She has a small nose and a small mouth. And there always has a smile on her face.
She can write nice articles, I love her articles very much. Her English is very good, her English speaking just listens like a foreigner. She always tells me how to study English well.
She is a versatile girl and she is very very beautiful. I always call her Sister Mirror.
I know you can guess who is she. Yes! She is Xiao Jingzi, a famous star in XXT.
我最喜欢的明星
在我们的生活中,有太多的明星了。也许你喜欢周杰伦,但我不喜欢;也许你喜欢杨幂,但我不喜欢。谁是我最喜欢的明星呢?猜猜看!
她是一个13岁的女孩。她的头发乌黑发亮,她的眼睛又大又黑。她有一个小小的鼻子和一张小小的嘴。她的脸上永远挂着微笑。
她会写非常棒的文章,我很喜欢她的文章。她的英语非常非常棒,她说起英语来就像个是一个外国人。她经常告诉我如何才能学好英语。
她是一个多才多艺的女孩,并且她非常非常的漂亮。我总是叫她“婧子姐”。
我知道你能猜出来她是谁了。是的!她就是校讯通里的一个大明星——小婧子。
再来看湘潇儿的英语文,给人不一样的感觉。
1.用准确的感叹句和美丽的外貌引出自己心目中的star,给人耳目一新的感觉,吸引了读者的注意力,让读者更愿意读下去,这么好的人,又会有什么特点呢。
2.罗琳也许大家不太熟悉,但是哈利波特,每一个孩子都喜欢着这个人物形象,像自己,又像是朋友。于是作者就从大家熟悉的开始介绍,更引发了读者的共鸣,这样的star,真的是大家心目中的star了。
3.在介绍罗琳的生平时,使用了一般过去式,很是精彩,尤其是那些不规则的动词过去式,使用的很好。
My favorite Star
湘潇儿
Long fair hair, brown eyes. How beautiful she is! She’s a beautiful lady, a succeful and smart woman,a valiant person! She’s my favorite star!
Do you know her? Yes, she’s Joanna Katherine(J.K.)Rowling from London,the writer of Harry Potter,one of the best-sellers in the world.If you don't know her,you are OUT!
J.K.Rowling has formed the habit of writing since the age of six.The idea for Harry Potter came to Rowling in 1990 during a ride train from Manchester to London.She then went to to work on the story…At that time, she was poor,penniless,but she had been insisting on it.She had been insisting on it! I don’t know how she finished them! The seven series of Harry Potter! (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone、Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets、Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban、Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire、Harry Potter and the Order of the phoenix、Harry Potter and the Half-Blood、Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
I appreciate Joanna Katherine Rowling,I can learn a lot from her, I love her so much! She’s my favorite star!
我最喜欢的明星
长长的金发,棕色的眼睛。她真漂亮!她是一个漂亮的女士,一个成功的聪明的女士,一个伟大的人!她是我最喜欢的明星!
你知道她吗?对,她是乔安娜·凯瑟琳(JK)·罗琳。写哈利波特的作家,在世界上销量最高的作家~如果你不知道她的话,你就out了~
JK罗琳的写作习惯是从六岁开始的,哈利波特这个主意是在1990年,她在从曼彻斯特到伦敦的火车上想到的。她开始了写作……在那时她是一个贫穷的人,身无分文,但是她坚持下来了。她坚持下来了!我不知道她是怎么完成它的。哈利波特七本系列丛书(《哈利波特与魔法石》、《哈利波特与密室》、《哈利波特与阿兹卡班的囚徒,哈利波特与火焰杯》《哈利波特与凤凰社》、《哈利波特与混血,哈利波特与死亡圣器》)
我佩服乔安娜·凯瑟琳·罗琳,我能学到许多东西在她身上,我非常喜欢她!她是我最喜欢的明星!
花之雪精灵的这篇文章写的很有深度,如果写在中招考场上,一定会是满分作文。
1.开篇直接点题,点出自己最喜欢的star。一句So, maybe you know him.给了读着要读下去的兴趣。
2.这篇文章成功之处在于结尾,作者点出了自己喜欢的原因,从自己喜欢的star身上能够学到的东西,star带给作者的精神上的影响是巨大的。有了结尾处的主题升华,文章显得更有意义。
3.文章中使用了宾语从句,时间状语从句,使文章的英语水准升高了一个基调。很棒!
My favorite star
花之雪精灵
I have a favorite star. I love him very much. He is very popular now. So, maybe you know him.
He is a member of a group. He is this group’s leader.This group is “EXO”.It means “EXOPLANET”.And it means theyare from unknown world‘s star.He has a lot of names. Before ten years old in guangzhou.His name is LiJiaheng. And then his mom and dad divorced. He and his mom went to Canada. So his name is Kevin Li. When he in Korea , his name is WuYifan. When he becomes a star, his name is Kris. But in his family, his name is BENBEN. This is his pet name.He is 23 years old. He is very handsome. He has short brown hair. He has big eyes and small nose. His mouth is too different. He has a peach heart mouth. He is very tall. He is 1.87 meters. He can be a model. But it’s not his dream. To be a star is not his first dream, too. He said his first dream was abasketball player in NBA.
“Thank you for everyone I love, thank you for always here.” This is what he said to his fans. He is a person with a warm heart. He is a mature man. He is gratitude person. He is a politeman. And he has the sense of responsibility.
This is he. And he is my super model and super star in my heart forever. I love him forever, too.
我最爱的明星
我有一个最喜欢的明星,我非常喜欢他。现在他很流行,所以,你可能知道他。
他是一个组合里的成员,他是这个组合的队长。这个组合是“EXO”,意思是“太阳系以外的行星”。这意味着,他们是来自未知世界的新星。他有很多名字。十岁之前,在广州,他的名字是李嘉恒。后来,他的爸爸和妈妈离婚了。他和他妈妈去了加拿大,他的名字是Kevin Li。当他在韩国时,他的名字叫吴亦凡。当他成为一个明星时,他的名字叫Kris。但是在他的家庭里,他的名字叫笨笨。这是他的小名。他23岁了.他很帅。他有短的棕色的头发。他有一双大眼睛和小鼻子,他的嘴是不一样的,他有一个桃心嘴。他个子很高他1.87米。他可以当一个模特,但这不是他的梦想,成为一个明星也不是他的第一个梦想。他说,他的第一个梦想是在NBA当一个篮球运动员。
“谢谢我喜欢的每个你,谢谢你一直都在。”这是他对他的粉丝说的。他是一个暖心的人,他是一个成熟的人,他是一个懂得感恩的人,他是一个谦逊有礼的人,他很有责任感。
这就是他,他永远是我心中的超级榜样和超级明星,我永远爱他。
熟能生巧,只要练习的多了,一切都变得那么的容易。英语作文也是如此。所以,孩子们,拿起手中的笔,不要怕,只要坚持,相信你的英语一定是最棒的!