第十三讲
好文章是如何练成的
（一）00
图片作文：
1. Study the following two pictures carefully and write an essay of at least 150
words.
2. Your essay must be written neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.
3. Your essay should meet the requirements below:
A. Describe the pictures.
B. Deduce the drawer's purpose in the pictures.
C. Suggest your counter-measures.
中国人对鱼情有独钟。鲤鱼跳龙门，年年有余，吉庆有鱼，可以说鱼是中国风俗的一部
分。在西方向来也有 The best fish smell when they are three days old.（最佳之鱼三
日后亦必臭。）The best fish swim near the bottom.（好鱼常在水底游。）Never offer to
teach fish to swim.（切忌班门弄斧。）等谚语。真难想象，人类如果没有鱼，世界将会怎
样？
看到这两幅图画描绘的鱼的现状，我们从内心深处感到遗憾，担忧。过度的商业性捕捞
在这么短的时间内就造成了严重的鱼类本.文,来.源,于.贵,州.学,习.网,www.gzu521.com 资源危机，联想到其他资源也在遭受同样的命运，确
实叫人心焦。所以保护鱼类和其他自然资源、合理利用自然资源刻不容缓。这是维系人类生
存的头等大事。因此，我们准备分三个段落写作：
第一段： 描述图片---------商业性捕捞技术越先进，船只越来越多，鱼得数量则驯熟
减少甚至不少鱼已经从地球上绝迹。如果任凭此种状况继续下去，自然资源危机再所难免，
人类的生存也濒临危机。
第一段提纲：
TS：The increase of advanced commercial fishing has resulted in the decrease
of fish.
A. In 1900: simple fishing boats, plenty of fish
B. In 1995: advanced commercial fishing-ships, much less fish
第一段初稿：
（1）From the pictures we can see that the increase of advanced commercial
fishing has resulted in the decrease of fish.
（2）In 1900, there was a large quantity of fish.
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（3）And in 1995 only one was left there.
（4）If such a case goes on, we may have no fish to eat very soon.
第一段修改稿：
th
（1）From the pictures we can see that during the 20 century the increase of
advanced commercial fishing resulted in a sharp decrease of fish.
（2）With only a few simple sailing-vessels fishing in 1900, there were plenty
of fish.
（3）But to 1995, with the working of more advanced commercial fishing-ships,
fish remained much less.
（4）If such a case goes on, fish is to be extinct from the world and we will
have none to eat in no time.
初稿只用最简单的句子描述了两幅图大概情况，但不够详细，且句子之间缺乏逻辑衔接。
th
修改稿 1）句加 during the 20 century 限定全文讨论的 a sharp decrease of fish 所发
生的时间跨度。3）句该为 but 以对比百年变化。
第二段：Deduce the drawer's purpose in the pictures. 人类想要在地球上继续生存，
不但要合理利用资源，更要保护资源，决不能在促进科技、文明发展的同时盲目地利用高科
技对自然资源盲目掠夺。这大概是作者的意图了吧。
第二段提纲：
TS：There is something more than the pictures themselves.
A. Fish is limited and so are many other resources in nature.
B. Since and technology should be applied properly.
第二段初稿：
(1) The comic pictures set us thinking more about the whole nature.
(2) Fish, like all other natural resources, is limited. （三节棍）
(3) And it's dangerous for man to fish excessively without paying attention
to the decrease of fish.
(4) Furthermore, we should protect fish for the sake of ourselves.
第二段修改稿：
(1) Studying further, we will obtain more from the cartoon pictures.
(2) First, all natural resources, such as fish, are limited. （三节棍）
(3) Second, even with modern science and technology, man should not overuse
the natural resources just for enormous private interests.
(4) Last but not the least, protecting natural resources has become one of our
immediate key tasks now.
本段重点在于挖掘深意。初稿罗列猜测。修改稿尝试使用一定句套，避免口语化，尤其
应该突出层次，拿下结构分。
第三段：Suggest your counter measures.根据题目要求，本段任务是针对过度的商业性捕
捞提出响应的反措施。应该既献良策又突出英语才华，完美结束全文。以法治鱼，定点定季
定量定具而渔，以养代鱼或养渔并举等等，呼吁全球一起努力保护自然。一定要上升到国际
的全人类的角度。
第三段提纲：
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TS：Ways as many as possible can be found and carried out if we are determined
to protect our mother nature.
A. The commercial fishing is restricted.
B. Raising fish accompanies a lot of effective measures.
第三段初稿：
(1) To protect fish, we must take some measures and we should find ways as many
as possible and carry them out to protect our mother nature.
(2) First of all, we can make some laws to force the commercial fishers to fish
only in certain areas or in certain seasons, or to pay high taxes.
(3) And if they break the law, they should be severely fined, confiscated or
put into prison.
(4) Besides, we should also raise more fish while fishing.
(5) If people all over the world can take collective efforts, we will have fish
forever.
第三段修改稿：
(1) In my opinion, many ways can be found and fish-protecting measures should
be carried out if we are determined.
(2) For example, the commercial fishing should be fined by law to certain species
in certain areas and seasons while fish must be raised at the same time.
(3) Otherwise, the fisher should be fined, confiscated or put into prison.
(4) With all the countries contributing as much to the protection of natural
resources, man can have adequate natural resources for a permanent use.
初稿开门见山，主动采取措施，衔接尚可，但是整段语气态度不够坚定有力。修改稿采用一
定句套和被动语态等技巧，呼吁全球共同努力，上升到一个高度。
（二）01
画图作文
画图作文题目往往给出图片、简单汉语、写作要求等三方面指示。考生应充分利用
三方面信息。在试卷指导一开始就指出"Among all the worthy feelings of mankind, love
is probably the noblest."汉语也指明 "爱心是一盏灯" ，因此断定油灯象征"爱"，
那么对黑夜中一盏灯稍加描述，再扩大到爱在世界范围的作用，这就是第一段的内容了。灯
---爱---灯与黑暗的关系---爱与世界的关系，充分利用现成的 feeling, noblest,
symbolic meaning 等。
第二段按照指令要举个例子，印证"爱"这盏灯的作用。范文将以希望工程为例，
交代贫困地区儿童失学现状---预测由此产生的结果---希望工程的意义。
第三段谈谈自己的建议。如果呼吁"人人都献出一点爱" 一定能在该卷老师心中
引起共鸣。开门见山提出建议---简短评价。（1）应该??如果不??就会??（2）应该??
只有??才能??
第一段提纲：
Love symbolized as oil-lamp
1. Oil-lamp:
A. sending out light, lighting up night
B. the darker the sky, the brighter the lamp
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2. Love:
A. warming up cold world
B. the colder the world, the warmer the love will become
第一段初稿：
(1) Love is symbolized by an oil-lamp in the picture.
(2) The oil-lamp sends out light and lightens the night sky.
(3) The darker the sky is, the brighter the oil-lamp is.
(4) Similarly, love warms up the world.
(5) The colder the world is., the warmer the love will be.
第一段修改稿：
(1) Recently there has been a discussion regarding the issue of love in the newspaper.
(2) Love is symbolized in the picture by an oil-lamp that sends out light, lightening
the night sky.
(3) The darker the sky is, the brighter the oil-lamp seems to grow.
(4) Similarly, love, the noblest feeling of mankind, warms up the cold world.
(5) The colder the world is, the warmer love seems to be.
1. regarding=about=concerning
2. 将初稿中 1-2 句合并为一个带定语从句的简单复合句，并且 lightening the night
sky 代替了初稿 lightens the night sky.这样，句型有了新的变化。
3. 第三句添加 seems to grow 比初稿 the brighter the oil-lamp is 更加有余地。
4. 第四句 love 之后插入 the noblest feeling of mankind,充分利用指令语言，但
是句型变化十分清新。
第二段提纲：
Specific example: Project Hope
1. Poor children can't go to school
2. Effect
A. a lack of human resources
B. economic development held back
In this way Project Hope initiated.
第二段初稿：
(1) A specific example is the Project Hope.
(2) Some children from the poor areas can't go to school.
(3) There will be a lack of human resources.
(4) And the country's economic development will be held back.
(5) Therefore, the Project Hope is initiated.
第二段修改稿：
(1) a specific example is the Project Hope.
(2) As is the case in some poverty-stricken rural areas of China, few school-agers
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can afford to go to school because of lack of financial support.
(3) The effect is both immediate and far-reaching upon China.
(4) As far as the present is concerned, the country will soon see a lack of human
resources.
(5) For the distant impact, the country's economic development will be held back.
(6) Therefore, the Project Hope is initiated to offer financial assistance to the
poor children.
(7) Then, all of a sudden, there appears in the black sky an "oil-lamp", casting
light, spreading love, planting hope.
1. 第 2 句 As is the case of..是定语从句。As 指待 few school-agers can?整个句
子。
2. 第 4 句 see 的用法扩充：a. The next year saw a series of bad harvests. b.
th
The 5 century saw the end of the Rome Empire in the West.
also saw its share of violence and unrest in 1979.
3. 注意第 7 句几节棍句型。
第三段提纲：
c. Colombia
My suggestion: Everyone offers love. The world will be filled with love.
第三段初稿"
(1) I suggest that everyone offer his or her love.
(2) The world will be filled with love.
第三段修改稿：
(1) As to the best way to show love, I suggest that everyone of us "ask not what
others will do for you, but what you can do for the others."
(2) By so doing, I sincerely believe each corner of the world will be lit up by the
oil-lamp.
结尾注意回顾主题。
1． 第一句 As to?是对指令的巧妙抄袭利用。
2． 引号部分是肯尼迪就职演说对民众的号召。原话如下：Ask not what America will
do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.
3． 最后一句避开 love 回到 oil-lamp, light up, world 三个关键词，使文章升华。
（三）02
主题：中西文化交融
第一段：描述图片
第二段：加以评论
第一段提纲：
The Chinese national culture has been accepted by the international society.
A: The fitness of the costume
B. The traditional Chinese costume stands for our national culture; the case of the
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American girl is of universal significance.
第一段初稿：
(1) As is shown by the picture, we can see an American girl with a traditional
Chinese costume.
(2) The traditional Chinese costume fits well on her.
(3) The traditional Chinese costume stands for our national culture.
(4) The case of the beautiful smiling American girl represents the international
culture.
(5) The implied meaning is that the traditional Chinese culture has been accepted
by the international society.
第一段修改稿：
(1) As is know by the picture, we can see an American girl who is wearing a suit
of traditional Chinese costume.
(2) With a smile on her face, she looks beautiful and the traditional Chinese costume
fits well on her.
(3) Studying further, we will obtain more meanings.
(4) In the first place, the traditional Chinese costume stands for our national
culture.
(5) In the second place, the case of the American girl, who comes from a totally
different culture, but appears to be satisfied with the traditional Chinese
costume, is of universal significance.
(6) What the picture implies is that the traditional Chinese culture, which is
characterized by our national spirit, has been accepted by the international
society.
第二段提纲：
Our national culture can be accepted by the whole world when its distinctive features
are fully expressed.
A. Our national culture is deeply rooted in our tradition.
B. We should extend our influence on the world by carrying forward our national
culture with its distinctive features.
第二段初稿：
(1) When our national culture has presented its distinctive features, it can be
accepted by the whole world.
(2) Since China is a large country with a long history of five thousand years, and
our ancestors have developed her splendid culture, our national culture is
deeply rooted in our tradition.
(3) We should extend its influence on the world by carrying it forward.
(4) In this way, our national culture can be on its ways to the world and be naturally
and internationally accepted.
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第二段修改稿：
(1) It is clear that our national culture can be accepted by the world when its
distinctive features are fully expressed.
(2) China is a large country with a long history of five thousand years, and our
ancestors have developed her splendid national culture.
(3) So our national culture, which represents our national spirit, is deeply rooted
in our tradition.
(4) As a developing country with an ancient civilization and her splendid national
culture, China should make greater contributions to human beings.
(5) Therefore, it is imperative for us to extend our influence on the world by
carrying forward our national culture with its distinctive cultures.
(6) Only in this way can our national culture be on its way to the world and be
naturally and internationally accepted.
（四）提纲加图画或图表式作文: (2003 年考研作文试题)
Directions: Study the following set of drawings carefully and write an essay in
which you should
1) describe the set of drawings, interpret its meaning, and
2) point out its implications in our life.
You should write about 200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)
温室花朵经不起考验
看图作文：把图画中反映的所有信息转换成书面文字，间或做出相应评论。
要求：观察力，想象力，分辨综合出作文主题及内涵和某种哲理
1、 描述解释图画
2、 指出暗含意义
图画：温室，花朵娇艳，尽管风暴袭来，由于温室保护，花朵依然绽放。
失去了温室，暴风雨袭击下花朵残败，脆弱的生命消逝。
意义：随着计划生育政策进一步实施，许多"小皇帝""小公主"涌现，衣来伸手饭来张口，
如温室花朵经不起风浪。
第一段提纲：描述解释图画
Nowadays, there have been an increasing number of "Young Plants" in the greenhouse
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in our society.
A. the flowers in full blossom
B. the flowers disappearing into uselessness to the society
第一段初稿：
(1) There are a number of "Young Plants" in the greenhouse.
(2) The flowers in the first drawing are in blossom, perfection, and freshness
in the greenhouse---the comfortable circumstances.
(3) When a snowstorm comes, the flowers are spiritless without the protection
of greenhouse.
(4) They disappear into useless to the society.
第一段修改稿：
(1) Nowadays there have been an increasing number of "Young Plants" in the
greenhouse in our society---the weak unable to stand difficulties and hardships
around them.
(2) As can be seen from the drawings, these flowers are in full blossom, great
perfection, and lovely freshness in the greenhouse.
(3) However, when a storm approaches, these beautiful, energetic flowers are taken
the bloom off once they have no protection from greenhouse.
(4) They lower their heads.
(5) They lose their ever-brilliance.
(6) Little by little, they disappear into uselessness to the society.
第二段提纲：指出暗含意义
The winter plum trees have the snow and exude pleasant fragrance.
A. A person experiencing trials and sufferings can survive.
B. The "Young Plants" in the greenhouse eventually disappear into uselessness
to the society.
第二段初稿：
(1) The winter plum trees brave the storm and exude pleasant fragrance.
(2) When a person experiences all sorts of trials and sufferings, he can survive
the blows of storms or misfortunes.
(3) A good many young children in China are "Little Emperors" or
"Princesses" of families.
(4) Their parents have done what they will do.
(5) They are those ragile flowers in the greenhouse.
(6) Once they meet with some setbacks, they will feel frustrated and thus lose
heart.
(7) So we should not become the weak plants in the greenhouse, but the plum trees
in the depth of winter.
第二段修改稿：
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(1) As the proverb goes, the winter plum trees brave the snowstorm and exude
pleasant fragrance.
(2) In the same way, only when a person experiences all sorts of trials and
sufferings can he survive the blows of storm or misfortunes, and eventually
establish himself firmly in society.
(3) Take for example a good many young children in China, who are spoiled by
their parents, they are little Emperors or Princesses in the family.
(4) Their parents have done whatever they should do.
(5) They have only to open their mouth to be fed and hold out their hands to
be dressed, almost with everything provided.
(6) Actually, they are those fragile flowers in the greenhouse.
(7) Once they meet with some setbacks, they will feel frustrated and thus lose
their heart inevitably, which may well lead to tragedy of some kind.
(8) So we should not become the weak plants in the greenhouse, but the plum trees
in the depth of winter, the spirit of which is firm and indomitable.
另一种范文
As is shown above, there are two pictures presenting two quite different
situations. One shows a pot of flower blooming with vigor under the shielding roof
of a greenhouse, while the other depicts the same flower struggling helplessly in
the thunderstorm. Obviously, it is doomed to wither away without the protection of
the greenhouse. This set of drawings means a lot to us. It teaches us that a flower,
which grows in favorable conditions, can't stand up to the sudden attack of a storm
when the roof of the greenhouse is removed.
Traditionally, we Chinese tend to compare a child to a flower in full bloom.
Now with the living conditions improving rapidly, most of our children are brought
up under the wings of their parents just like flowers cultivated in greenhouses.
The adults spare no pains to ensure that their children's lives will be as
comfortable as possible. They try to build their homes into warm nests free of cold,
hunger, fear or any form of external threat. Of course, it would be unfair to blame
their parents for their painstaking efforts. However, it should be pointed out that
their children, while enjoying all the comforts of life, are at the same time deprived
of opportunities to face and experience any sorts of challenges and hardships.
Whenever they are faced with difficulties, they will feel terrified and helpless
and unable to stand up to them.
In short, flowers, reared in a greenhouse, will wither when a thunderstorm
strikes, and similarly, children, raised in comfortable nests, will collapse under
the weight of life. As a consequence, it is crucial for parents to realize the
necessity of exposing their children to difficulties and hardships in life. Only
in this way can their children withstand any challenges in the future. (297 words)
注：be doomed to do ? 注定；stand up to 经得住；compare ? to ? 把 ? 比作；
spare no pains to do sth 不遗余力做某事；blame sb. for sth. 因某事责备某人；be
deprived of 被剥夺 ?；expose ? to ? 使 ? 接触到 ?
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（五）Good Health
毛主席说："身体是革命的本钱。"没有健康的体魄其他都无从谈起。要保证健康，首先应该
改正不良习惯。在快节奏的现代都市，人们还应学会从繁忙的工作学习中解脱出来。另外，
健身活动也是必不可少的。
Good Health
120-140 words
1. Importance of good health
2. Ways to keep fit
3. My own practices
The desire for good health is universal?.
第一段提纲：
Good health is very important.
A. The advantages of being in good health condition
B. The contrast between the rich in poor health concdition and the poor in good
health condition.
Health is the most important.
第一段初稿：
(1) The desire for good health is universal.
(2) With goos health one can enjoy his life and get what he hopes for in his career.
(3) Those who are rich but lose their health are no more happy and fortunate than
those who are poor but healthy.
(4) If a person wants to be successful, health is the most important.
第一段修改稿：
(1) The desire for good health is universal.
(2) Indeed, good health enables one to enjoy his life and achieve what he hopes for
in his career.
(3) Those who are rich but lose their health are no more happy and fortunate than
those who are poor but healthy.
(4) So if a person wants his wishes to come true, halth is the most important
ingredient of his success.
第二段提纲：
There are many ways to keep fit.
A. To get rid of some bad habits
B. To learn to relax oneself
C. To do some regular exercises
第二段初稿：
(1) There are many ways to keep fit.
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(2) First, one should learn to get rid of some bad habits.
(3) Secondly, one should learn to relax oneself.
(4) Finally, one should attent various kinds of physical exercises.
第二段修改稿：
(1) Now that we know health is the resource of our energy, what should we do to keep
it?
(2) First of all, one should try to get rid of some bad habits that damage his health,
such as overeating, drinking, smoking, and so on.
(3) Secondly, those who are always under pressure of work should find time to relax
because too much stress can lead to illness.
(4) Finally, it is important for one to do lots of physical exercises, which are
quite essential for a healthy mind and body.
第三段提纲：
I've benefited a lot from good health.
A. Before taking physical exercises.
B. After taking physical exercises.
第三段初稿"
(1) I was once weak, often caught cold.
(2) Later, by taking physical exercises, I become stronger and stronger.
(3) I will persist in doing so in the future.
第三段修改稿：
(1) As for me, physical exercises have changed me completely.
(2) I was once weak and often caught cold.
(3) Recently, I have attended the callisthenic practice organized by our university
and have benefited a lot from it.
(4) To my amazement, I find my life full of sunshine, with my body in good health
condition.
（六）
A. 120 words.
B. Answer sheet.
C. Requirements:
1. interpret the following pictures.
2. predict the tendency of tobacco consumption and give your reasons.
所给图表包括 BAR 和 PIE 两种。其中 BAR 表明烟草产量巨大，但是 1995 比 1994 有所下降，
句次可以推断世界烟草消费呈下降趋势。PIE 表明世界烟民队伍之庞大。两幅象征图显示吸
烟造成的危害之严重。那么把两幅图结合起来，不难找出其中的关联。提纲如下：
1. Present situation
1) smoking-------widespread habit
2) harms
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2. Measures taken to ban smoking
3. Tendency predicted: a drop of tobacco consumption
第一段：与 Present situation 相关的信息主要来自原形图和两个象征性图。原形图显示世
界 58 亿人烟民占 11 亿，占总人口 20%；象征性图点燃的香烟、钞票和骷髅分别代表世界每
年因吸烟而耗费的金钱（2000 亿美圆）和危害健康的代价（300 万人死亡）。
TS: there are 1.1 billion smokers out of the 5.8 billion people in the world, which
is 20% of the total world population.
A. a yearly loss of 200 billion US dollars
B. 300 deaths every year
第一段初稿：
（1） The pie chart shows there are 1.1 billion smokers out of the 5.8billon
people in the world.
（2） That is 20% of the total world population.
（3） Smoking results in a yearly loss of 200 billion US dollars.
（4） Smoking results in 3 million deaths every year.
第一段修改稿：
（1） As is shown in the pie graph, there are 1.1 billion smokers out of
the 5.8 billion people in the world, accounting for 20% of the total
world population.
（2） This causes great harm to us.
（3） Financially, it results in a yearly loss of 200 billion US dollars
spent on cigarettes.
（4） And physically, the poisonous material such as nicotine within
tobacco leads to, according to official reports, 3 million deaths
every year.
第二段：Measures taken to ban smoking 这一段关键在于如何拓展思路，立足图表又超脱
它。本段因该是第一段的自然发展，又是第三段的原因。
TS: People have taken various measures to cut smoking.
A. Nonsmokers try to make smokers quit smoking.
B. Governments pass laws to limit tobacco production, raise tobacco taxes, and
prohibit smoking in public places.
C. Health experts warn public of the dangers involved.
第二段初稿：
(1) People all over the world have taken various measures to cut smoking.
(2) Nonsmokers try to make smokers quit smoking.
(3) The governments pass laws to limit tobacco production, raise tobacco taxes,
and prohibit smoking in public places.
(4) And health experts try hard to warn the public of the dangers involved.
第二段修改稿：
(1) Faced with such a problem, people from all works of life have tried
various measures to cut smoking.
(2) The publics launch campaigns to appeal to smokers to quit smoking so
as to help clear the air.
(3) The governments pass laws to limit tobacco production, raise tobacco
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taxes and prohibit smoking in public places.
(4) And health experts try hard to warn the public, especially the young,
of the dangers involved with a view to raising a nation of nonsmokers.
第三段：Tendency predicted: a drop of tobacco consumption。条形图表明世
界烟草产量由 1994 年 143。64 亿磅下降到 1995 年的 42 亿磅。这实际上是一种趋
势，但是注意题目要求预测将来的趋势。那么重要的是从图表中得出内在联系：根
据时常经济规律，产量的下降相当大程度上是因为消费下降了。
TS: We predict a drop of tobacco consumption.
A. more and more smokers getting rid of the bad habit
B. less and less tobacco consumed
C. less tobacco produced
第三段初稿：
(1) Thanks to the joint efforts, more and more smokers get rid of the bad
habit of smoking.
(2) And less and less tobacco is consumed in recent years.
(3) As a result, less tobacco is produced.
(4) That's why in 1995 there was 0.164 billion lbs. Less tobacco produced
than in 1994.
(5) Therefore, we can predict a drop in cigarette consumption in the future.
第三段修改稿：
(1) Thanks to the joint efforts, fewer and fewer smokers hesitate to get
rid of the bad habit of smoking, hence less and less tobacco consumed
in recent years.
(2) And the drop of cigarette demand is deeply felt by tobacco companies.
(3) That's why the year 1995 saw a decrease of 0.164 billion lbs. In tobacco
production as compared with that of 1994.
(4) Therefore, we have every reason to look forward to a better future, with
a greater decline of tobacco consumption, and a cleaner environment.
（七）
1. 150 words
2. Answer sheet
3. Requirements:
A. Write out the message conveyed by the cartoon.
B. Give your comments
审题，要求通过对漫画表现的幽默，由表及里地挖掘讽刺意义，批评当今社会上普遍存在的
华而不实、金玉其表的虚假承诺，并点明这种做法的恶果：不但内会失去消费者对做这种承
诺的厂家的信任，而且败坏了社会风气。最后提出倡议。
第一段：虚假承诺的本质。
TS: Shameless promise the hen is making.
A. What eggs she is boasting to lay
B. What is behind her words.
第一段初稿:
(1) The promise out of the hen's mouth would make people neither cry nor laugh.
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(2) People can not help asking what kind of egg it would be if without eggshell,
albumin or yolk and what particular egg the hen can lay.
(3) What she says is clear.
(4) The hen is deliberately mystifying people.
第一段修改稿：
(1) The boastful promise the hen is giving would make people not know whether to
laugh or to cry.
(2) It leaves people in a distressing and impossible situation, for they can not
help asking what duty the hen should do, what kind of egg it would be if without
eggshell, albumin or yolk, and what particular egg on earth the hen can lay.
(3) It is not difficult to see that the hen is deliberately mystifying those who
are interested in the eggs she will lay with exaggerated promises.
第二稿：虚假承诺的危害。本段应当着重批判这种不良作风所带来的危害，不但搬起石头砸
自己的脚，而且败坏了社会风气，会引发一连串不良反应。
TS: The exaggerated promises have lure.
A. Promotion tempts others to follow
B. False promises cause bad effects
第二段初稿：
（1） In order to promote their sales, many enterprises often fool consumers
in the way the hen does.
（2） Certainly other producers would follow what the speculators did in the
commercial warfare.
（3） This is the reason why so many consumers condemn promise-makers for
breaking their promises or charge promise-makers with inferior products.
第二段修改稿：
(1) Unfortunately, in our society, many enterprises just try to fool
consumers in much the same way that the hen does.
(2) With empty promises, they advertise products of poor quality, sometimes
even fake commodities, with a selfish view to promoting sales.
(3) And other profiteers also strive hard to follow their suits.
(4) As a result, battles against false promises are becoming more and more
severe in the commercial warfare, while the whole society is
deteriorating morally, which will inevitably raise great dangers to the
further national construction and development.
第三段：结论---采取措施。无非是依法治理，教育为先。
TS: Steps should be taken to root out the false promises like this.
A. Harm to the society
B. Measures to take
第三段初稿：
(1) The overrunning mendacious promises are undermining the trust between the
producers and customers and polluting the social ethos.
(2) And the loss of social ethos is fatal to our society.
(3) So we should take measures to prevent the deceitful and pretentious promises
from passing on.
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第三段修改稿：
(1) mendacious promises not only undermine the trust between the producers and
customers, but also pollute the social ethos, the loss of which is fatal to our
society.
(2) So it is high time that we took measures to have the deceitful and pretentious
promises uprooted by way of exposure, punishment and education.
(3) Only with the collective efforts can we genuinely eradicate the crookedness and
make our country a brighter future.
（八）
1. Study the following graphs carefully and write an essay in at least 150 words.
2. Your essay must be written on ANSWER SHEET 2.
3. Your essay should cover the following three points:
A. effect of the country's growing human population on its wildlife.
B. Possible reason for the effect
C. Your suggestion for wildlife protection
Title: THE UPS AND DOWNS OF POPULATION GROWTH
这是一篇图表作文但是题目规定了提纲，因此写的时候应当先描述图表，再得出结论，
然后紧扣主题，分析原因，最后发表议论，提出建议。第一段首先针对 effect 构成主题句，
提出人口增长已导致野生动物灭绝，随后对照两张图表的变化说明产生的影响，第二段分析
造成野生动物捏望的原因，第三段提出建议。
第一段：描述图片-------通过仔细观察不难发现从 1800-1990 美国人口从两百万左右增至
二亿四千万，而同期有大约 70 中野生生物绝种。自然我们得出结论：人口的迅速增长导致
了野生动物的灭亡。
第一段提纲：TS：The extinction of wildlife resulted from the population explosion.
A. The U.S. population increased rapidly.
B. About 70 wildlife species became extinct.
第一段初稿：
(1) As is shown by the two graphs, during the period of time from 1800 to 1990,
the U.S. population increased rapidly.
(2) It grew from about 2 million to 250 million.
(3) At least 70 wildlife species became extinct over the same period of time.
(4) It is obvious that the population explosion resulted in a rapid extinction
of wildlife.
第一段修改稿：
(1) As is shown by the two graphs, between 1800 and 1990, the U.S. population grew
from about 2 million to 250 million.
(2) In contrast, at least 70 wildlife species bid farewell to the country over the
same period of time.
(3) It is obvious that the extinction of wildlife resulted from the population
explosion.
这一段应当详细描述图二的曲线变化，并得出变化之间的联系。注意关键的具体数字必
须列出，尽可能说明数字之间的关系。因此本范例还有修改空间。试试看。
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第二段：分析灭亡原因。联想从电视、杂志等获得的信息，一阵 brain-storming 之后暂时
钻下面三点：人口增长占据了原本属于野生动物的空间；人类为了金钱滥杀生物；环境污染
破坏了生态平衡，加速了许多医生动物的灭绝。
第二段提纲：
（1）TS: There There are some possible reasons for the effect.
A. Few areas were left for wildlife.
B. A great number of wildlife species are killed.
C. The environmental pollution became very serious.
第二段初稿：
（2）There are some possible reasons for the effect.
（3）First, inhabitable areas were expanding so fast that few areas were left for
wildlife.
（4）Second, a great number of wildlife species were killed by human beings.
（5）Finally, many newly-built factories constantly sent out harmful gases and
liquids.
（6）This global industrial pollution speeded up the wildlife extinction.
第二段修改稿：
(1) There are some possible reasons for the effect.
(2) First, with the rapid growth of human population, inhabitable areas were
expanding so fast that few areas were left for wildlife.
(3) Second, a great number of wildlife species were killed for food, for money
and even for fun.
(4) Finally, a host of newly-built factories constantly discharged harmful gases
and liquids, which seriously polluted the environment.
(5) And this global industrial pollution speeded up wildlife extinction.
注意到了吗？修改稿采用排比、措辞、长短句和过渡词，得语言分。
第三段：提出我的建议。既然人口增长是根本原因，就从它开刀，控制出生率。另外，教育
必不可少，要提高公众保护意识，减轻环境污染，还野生动物一个干净祥和安全的空间。
第三段提纲：TS：It is imperative to take effective measures to save all wildlife
species.
A. population control.
B. Elimination of environmental pollution.
C. Development of public awareness of wildlife protection.
第三段初稿：
(1) It is imperative to take effective measures to save all wildlife species.
(2) We should control the birth rate all over the world.
(3) We should try to eliminate the environment pollution.
(4) We must improve the public awareness of wildlife protection.
第三段修改稿：
(1) In my opinion, it is imperative to take effective measures to save all wildlife
species.
(2) Firstly, the birth rate must be put under control.
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(3) Secondly, we should establish more natural conservations for wildlife,
especially for rare animals and those in face of extinction.
(4) Last but not the least, we should educate the people to realize the importance
of wildlife protection.
(5) Moreover, laws and regulations for wildlife protection should be formulated and
put into force.
(6) Only by taking firm actions can we prevent wildlife from decreasing continually.
初稿开门见山提出应该采取有效措施，但是简单堆砌句子没有流畅美感。修改稿增加了过渡
词，被动态，倒装句等手段，重申了观点，增强了力度。大当然还有很大的修改空间。
