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考研英语写作辅导讲义:写好段落的三个标准(1)

2009-08-31 

第八讲
写好段落的三个标准
首先,一个段落必须有一个中心即主题思想,该中心由主题句特别是其中的题旨来表达。整
个段落必须  紧扣这个主题(stick  or  hold  to  the  topic),这就是段落的统一性(unity)。
其次,一个段落必须有若  干推展句,使主题思想得到充分展开,从而给读者一个完整的感
觉,这就是完整性(completeness or adequateness)。再者,一个段落不是杂乱无章的,而
是有机的组合,句子的排列顺序必须合乎逻  辑,从一个句子到另一个句子的过渡必须流畅
(smooth),这就是连贯性(coherence)。下面我们就对这三个标准分别加以说明。
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1.  统一性

一个段落内的各个句子必须从属于一个中心,任何游离于中心思想之外的句子都是不可取
的。请看下例:

Joe  and  I  decided  to  take  the  long  trip  we'd  always  wanted  across  the  country.  We
were  like  young  kids  buying  our  camper  and  stocking  it  with  all  the  necessities  of
life.   Bella   bakes   the   best   rhubarb   pie.   We   started   out   in   early   spring   from
Minneapolis and headed west across the northern part of the country. We both enjoyed
those people we met at the trailer park. Joe received a watch at his retirement dinner.
To  our  surprise,  we  found  that  we  liked  the  warm  southern  regions  very  much,  and
so  we  decided  to  stay  here  in  New  Mexico.

本段的主题句是段首句,controlling idea(中心思想)是 take the long trip across the
country。文中出现两个 irrelevant sentences,一个是 Bella bakes the best rhubarb pie,
这  一段是讲的是 Joe and I  ,中间出现一个 Bella 是不合适的。还有,Joe received a watch
at  his  retirement  dinner  这一句更是与主题句不相关。考生在四级统考的作文卷上常常
因为造出  irrelevant  sentences(不相关语句)而丢分,值得引起注意。再看一个例子:

My name is Roseanne, and I like to keep physically fit. I used to weigh two hundred
pounds,  but  I  joined  the  YMCA  for  an  exercise  class  and  diet  program.  In  one  year
I  lost  eighty  pounds.  I  feel  much  better  and  never  want  to  have  that  much  weight
on my five-feet frame again. I bought two new suitcases last week. Everyday I practice
jogging three miles, swimming fifteen laps, lifting twenty-pound weights and playing
tennis  for  one  hour.  My  mother  was  a  premature  baby.

本段的 controlling  idea  是 like  to  deep  physically  fit,但段中有两个 irrelevant
sentences,一个是 I  bought  two  new  suitcases  last  week,另一个是 My  mother  was  a
premature  baby。

从上面两个例子可以看出,native  speakers 同样会造出来 irrelevant  sentences。卷面
上如  果这种句子多了,造成偏题或离题,那问题就更严重了。

2.  完整性

正象我们前面说得那样,一个段落的主题思想靠推展句来实现,如果只有主题句而没有推
展句来进一步交待和充实,就不能构成一个完整的段落。同样,虽然有推展句,但主题思想
没有得到相对圆满的  交待,给读者一种意犹未尽的感觉。这样的段落也不能完成其交际功
能。例如:

Physical   work   can   be   a   useful   form   of   therapy   for   a   mind   in   turmoil.   Work
concentrates  your  thoughts  on  a  concrete  task.  Besides,  it  is  more  useful  to  work
----  you  produce  something  rather  than  more  anxiety  or  depression.

本段的主题句是段首句。本段的两个推展句均不能回答主题句中提出的问题。什么是"a
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mind  in  turmoil"(心境不平静)Physical  work  又如何能改变这种情况?为什么它能起
therapy 的作用?读  者得不到明确的答案。

由于四级统考的作文部分只要求写一篇 100~120 个词的三段式短文,每一段只有大约 40
个词左右,因此,要达到完整就必须尽可能地简明。例如:

It is not always true that a good picture is worth a thousand words. Often writing
is much clearer than a picture. It is sometimes difficult to figure out what a picture
means,  but  a  careful  writer  can  almost  always  explain  it.

段首句所表达的主题思想是一种看法,必须有具体事例加以验证。上述两个推展句只是在
文字上对主题作些解释,整个段落内容空洞,简而不明。如果用一两个具体的例子的话,就
可以把主题解释清楚  了。比如下段:

It is not always true that a picture is worth a thousand words. Sometimes, pictures
are pretty useless things. If you can't swim and fall in the river and start gulping
water,  will  you  be  better  off  to  hold  up  a  picture  of  yourself  drowning,  or  start
screaming  "Help"?

3.连贯性(coherence)

连贯性包括意连和形连两个方面,前者指的是内在的逻辑性,后者指的是使用转换词语。
当然这两者常常是不可分割的。只有形连而没有意连,句子之间就没有内在的有机的联系;
反之,只有意连而没  有形连,有时行文就不够流畅。

1)  意连

段落中句子的排列应遵循一定的次序,不能想到什么就写什么。如果在下笔之前没有构思,
边写边想,写写停停,那就写不出一气呵成的好文章来。下面介绍几种常见的排列方式。

A.按时间先后排列(chronological  arrangement)

We  had  a  number  of  close  calls  that  day.  When  we  rose,  it  was  obviously  late  and
we had to hurry so as not to miss breakfast; we knew the dining room staff was strict
about closing at nine o'clock. Then, when we had been driving in the desert for nearly
two hours ----- it must have been close to noon ---- the heat nearly hid us in; the
radiator  boiled  over  and  we  had  to  use  most  of  our  drinking  water  to  cool  it  down.
By the time we reached the mountain, it was four o'clock and we were exhausted. Here,
judgement ran out of us and we started the tough climb to the summit, not realizing
that  darkness  came  suddenly  in  the  desert.  Sure  enough,  by  six  we  were  struggling
and Andrew very nearly went down a steep cliff, dragging Mohammed and me along with
him.  By  nine,  when  the  wind  howled  across  the  flat  ledge  of  the  summit,  we  knew  as
we  shivered  together  for  warmth  that  it  had  not  been  our  lucky  day.

本段从  "rose"(起床)写起,然后是吃早餐("not to miss breakfast",  "closing at
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nine  o'clock"),然后是  "close  to  noon",一直写到这一天结束("By  nine--")。

B.  按位置远近排列(spatial  arrangement)。例如:

From  a  distance,  it  looked  like  a  skinny  tube,  but  as  we  got  closer,  we  could  see
it  flesh  out  before  our  eyes.  It  was  tubular,  all  right,  but  fatter  than  we  could
see from far away. Furthermore, we were also astonished to notice that the building
was  really  in  two  parts:  a  pagoda  sitting  on  top  of  a  tubular  one-story  structure.
Standing  ten  feet  away,  we  could  marvel  at  how  much  of  the  pagoda  was  made  up  of
glass windows. Almost everything under the wonderful Chinese roof was made of glass,
unlike  the  tube  that  it  was  sitting  on,  which  only  had  four.  Inside,  the  tube  was
gloomy, because of the lack of light. Then a steep, narrow staircase took us up inside
the  pagoda  and  the  light  changed  dramatically.  All  those  windows  let  in  a  flood  of
sunshine  and  we  could  see  out  for  miles  across  the  flat  land.

本段的写法是由远及近,从远处("from a distance")写起,然后"get closer",再到
("  ten feet away"),最后是  "inside the pagoda"??当然,按位置远近来写不等于
都是由远及近。根据需要,也可以由近及远,由表及里等等。

C.  按逻辑关系排列(logical  arrangement)

a.  按重要性顺序排列(arrangement  in  order  of  importance)

If you work as a soda jerker, you will, of course, not need much skill in expressing
yourself to be effective. If you work on a machine, your ability to express yourself
will  be  of  little  importance.  But  as  soon  as  you  move  one  step  up  from  the  bottom,
your  effectiveness  depends  on  your  ability  to  reach  others  through  the  spoken  or 
the written word. And the further away your job is from manual work, the larger the
organization  of  which  you  are  an  employee,  the  more  important  it  will  be  that  you
know how to convey your thoughts in writing or speaking. In the very large business
organization, whether it is the government, the large corporation, or the Army, this
ability  to  express  oneself  is  perhaps  the  most  important  of  all  the  skills  a  man
can  possess.

这一段谈的是表达能力,它的重要性与职业,身份有关,从"not need much skill"或  "of
little  importance"到  "more  important",最后是  "most  important"。

b.由一般到特殊排列(general-to-specific  arrangement)

If a reader is lost, it is generally because the writer has not been careful enough
to  keep  him  on  the  path.  This  carelessness  can  take  any  number  of  forms.  Perhaps
a sentence is so excessively cluttered that the reader, hacking his way through the
verbiage, simply doesn't know what it means. Perhaps a sentence has been so shoddily
constructed that the reader could read it in any of several ways. Perhaps the writer
has switched tenses, or has switched pronouns in mid-sentence, so the reader loses
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track  of  when  the  action  took  place  or  who  is  talking.  Perhaps  sentence  B  is  not
logical sequel to sentence A ---- the writer, in whose head the connection is clear,
has not bothered to provide the missing link. Perhaps the writer has used an important
word incorrectly by not taking the trouble to look it up. He may think that "sanguine"
and  "sanguinary"  mean  the  same  thing,  but  the  difference  is  a  bloody  big  one.  The
reader  can  only  infer  what  the  writer  is  trying  to  imply.

这一段谈的是 a  writer's  carelessness,先给出一个 general  statement 作为主题句,
然后通  过 5 个  "perhaps"加以例证。

c.  由特殊到一般排列(specific-to-general  arrangement)

I  do  not  understand  why  people  confuse  my  Siamese  cat,  Prissy,  with  the  one  I  had
several  years  ago,  Henry.  The  two  cats  are  only  alike  in  breed.  Prissy,  a  quiet,
feminine feline, loves me dearly but not possessively. She likes to keep her distance
from  people,  exert  her  independence  and  is  never  so  rude  as  to  beg,  lick,  or  sniff
unceremoniously. Her usual posture is sitting upright, eyes closed, perfectly still.
Prissy   is   a   very   proper   cat.   Henry,   on   the   other   hand,   loved   me   dearly   but
possessively. He was my shadow from morning till night. He expected me to constantly
entertain  him.  Henry  never  cared  who  saw  him  do  anything,  whether  it  was  decorous
or  not,  and  he  usually  offended  my  friends  in  some  way.  The  cat  made  himself  quite
comfortable, on the top of the television, across stranger's feet or laps, in beds,
drawers, sacks, closets, or nooks. The difference between them is imperceptible to
strangers.

本段的主题句是段首句,它仅提出一个问题:为什么两只猫会被搞混。然后对两者进行比
较,末句才下结论。

2)  形连

行文的逻辑性常常要靠适当的转换词语及其他手段来实现。请读下面这一段文字并找出文
中用以承上启下的词语:

Walter's  goal  in  life  was  to  become  a  successful  surgeon.  First,  though,  he  had
to  get  through  high  school,  so  he  concentrated  all  his  efforts  on  his  studies  ---
in particular, biology, chemistry, and math. Because he worked constantly on these
subjects,  Walter  became  proficient  in  them;  however,  Walter  forgot  that  he  needed
to master other subjects besides those he had chosen. As a result, during his junior
year of high  school,  Walter  failed  both  English and  Latin.  Consequently,  he had  to
repeat  these  subjects  and  he  was  almost  unable  to  graduate  on  schedule.  Finally,
on  June  6,  Walter  achieved  the  first  step  toward  realizing  his  goal.

本文中起承上启下的词语有两种,一种是转换词语(transitional words or phrases),另
一种  是起转换作用的其他连接手段(linking devices)。前者依次有:first, though, so,
in particular, and, because, however, besides, as a result, both?and, consequently,
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and,  finally.后  者依次是:he,  he,  his,  his,  he,  these,  them,  he,  those,  his,  he,
these, his.  本段中共有词汇  105 个,所使用的转换词语及其他连接用语共 26 个词,约占
该段总词汇量的四分之一。由此可见,掌  握好 transitions 不仅对行文的流畅(smoothness)
有益,而且对于学生在半个小时内写足四级短文所要求的 120 个词也是不无好处的。

一个段落里如果没有  transitions  也就很难有  coherence  了.我们看下面一个例
子:          Speaking and writing are different in many ways. Speech depends on sounds.
Writing  uses  written  symbols.  Speech  developed  about  500  000  years  ago.  Written
language is a recent development. It was invented only about six thousand years ago.
Speech is usually informal. The word choice of writing is often relatively formal.
Pronunciation  and  accent  often  tell  where  the  speaker  is  from.  Pronunciation  and
accent  are  ignored  in  writing.  A  standard  diction  and  spelling  system  prevails  in
the written language of most countries. Speech relies on gesture, loudness, and rise
and fall of the voice. Writing lacks gesture, loudness and the rise and fall of the
voice.  Careful  speakers  and  writers  are  aware  of  the  differences.

本段中除了第  6  句开头出现一个起过渡作用的"it"之外,没有使用其他的过渡词语.这
样,文中出现许多重复的词语,全段读起来也显得生硬而不自然。如果加上必要的过渡词语
来修饰的话,这一段就  成了下面一个流畅连贯的段落:

Speaking and writing are different in many ways. Speech depends on sounds; writing,
on  the  other  hand,  uses  written  symbols.  Speech  was  developed  about  500  000  years
ago, but written language is a recent development, invented only about six thousand
years ago. Speech is usually informal, while the word choice of writing, by contrast,
is often relatively formal. Although pronunciation and accent often tell where the
speaker is from, they are ignored in wiring because a standard diction and spelling
system prevails in most countries. Speech relies on gesture, loudness, and the rise
and fall of the voice, but writing lacks these features. Careful speakers and writers
are  aware  of  the  differences.

4.  有损连贯性的几种情况:

考生在写作中经常出现下面几种错误:

1)不必要的改变时态,比如:

In the movie, Robert Redford was a spy. He goes to his office where he found everybody
dead.  Other  spies  wanted  to  kill  him,  so  he  takes  refuge  with  Julie  Christie.  At
her  house,  he  had  waited  for  the  heat  to  die  down,  but  they  come  after  him  anyway.

2)不必要的改变单复数,比如:

Everybody looks for satisfaction in his life. They want to be happy. But if he seeks
only  pleasure  in  the  short  run,  the  person  will  soon  run  out  of  pleasure  and  life
will  catch  up  to  him.  They  need  to  pursue  the  deeper  pleasure  of  satisfaction  in
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work  and  in  relationships.

3)不必要的改变人称,比如:

Now  more  than  ever,  parents  need  to  be  in  touch  with  their  children's  activities
because  modern  life  has  the  tendency  to  cause  cleavages  in  the  family.  You  need  to
arrange  family  like

it  so  that  family  members  will  do  things  together  and  know  one  another.  You  need
to  give  up  isolated  pleasures  of  your  own  and  realize  that  parents  have  a  set  of
obligations  to  sponsor  togetherness  and  therefore  sponsor  knowledge.

因此写作中,一定要注意时态,人称以及数的变化是否正确,要注意保持一致。

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